We're all in this together - aren't we?

Imagine you are a mother of young children who are not yet of school age. After much prayer, and consultation with your husband, you believe God is calling you to send your kids to public school. You have two homeschooling friends, who you have known for several years. When you tell them your decision, this is their reaction:

Homeschooling friend No. 1: Seriously, you're going to send your children to public school? You don't have to send your kids to public school. You have the right to chose what is best for them and homeschooling is definitely best. Don't you know that public school is of the devil? You're really missing God's calling. I don't care what your husband says, don't you know God wants everyone to home school their kids? It's in the Bible. You're really disobeying God. I'll be praying you change your attitude.

Homeschooling friend No. 2: Really? Well, we were called to homeschool, but as a parent, you have the responsibility and right to decide what type of education is best for your children. We may believe in different methods, but I respect your decision.

After these conversations, you never hear from Homeschooling friend No. 1, except when you get her regular emails on the evils of public education. At first you tried to keep up the friendship because your kids were friends of her kids, but now she is always busy whenever you try to set up play dates. Finally, you give up trying, and wonder if she is afraid your kids will contaminate hers. Occasionally you run into her at the store, and she always asks, "Are you STILL sending your kids to that God forsaken public school? I'm praying that you will start listening to God." Her attitude reinforces your decision to not homeschool, because if home schoolers are like that, you don't want to be a part of it.

Homeschooling Friend No. 2 calls you regularly, lets you know she's praying for you and your children, invites you for coffee and your kids play together a lot. You compliment each other on how well behaved and sociable your children are. You wish all homeschooling mothers were that easy to get along with.

After a couple of years of your kids being in public school, you feel that God is calling you to withdraw them and begin to home school them. This is not an easy decision, because it is a complete change of direction. 

Homeschooling Friend No. 1 hears of your decision through the grape vine. She calls you and tells you that she is so happy you finally decided to do the right thing. She says be careful about joining just any home school group, because (gulp) some allow CYBER SCHOOL families to attend, and everyone knows cyber school is worse that regular public school. You don't tell her that you strongly considered cyber school as an alternative before deciding to home school, and while you didn't think it was the right choice for your family, you've met some nice cyber school families, who have made the right decision for them. She invites you to her homeschooling meeting, where they will be discussing parental rights in education. She says that you have to come, because after all, homeschooling parents have to stand together. No one has the right to tell us how we should educate our kids, she tells you. After that she says they will be looking at a curriculum, which, in her opinion, is the only curriculum any Christian parent should consider. She can't understand why you decline her invitation. As you hang up the phone, the word hypocrite comes to mind. You wonder how many parents she and her group have alienated.

Homeschooling Friend No. 2 hears of your decision, because you call her right away. She is happy to hear you will be homeschooling your kids, and offers you her help. She invites you to a homeschooling support group she started where all families who educate their kids at home are welcome. She offers to send you some links to different curriculums you might want to consider purchasing. She tells you that every home schooling family is different and there are many different ways to home school. She ends the conversation by praying for you and your home school. You hang up, happy you have such a nice friend that doesn't expect you to be just like her. You think she is a great representative of the home schooling community.

What if math wasn't so scary?

A long time ago, I wanted to go to college to be an engineer. Mechanical, electrical, some type of engineer. I loved science, and the applied uses of it. But because of bad experiences with poor teachers, one size fits all math books, standardized tests and public school bullies, I thought math was too hard for me. I will never forget the day a mean girl in school told me I was in the algebra class for dummies. I realized that all the kids in the class were really struggling with math, so I thought she was right. I was a dummy, even though I got A's in most all of my other classes.

That was the day I started to believe that math was scary, math was too hard for my brain. I took as few math classes in high school that I could. I forgot about being an engineer. I didn't think I could handle the math classes needed to get the degree. So I decided to go to a business college, not realizing that managers need math too. After business math, accounting and statistics classes, I found out maybe I wasn't a math dummy after all. It wasn't scary, after my roommate (an accounting major) sat down and explained it to me when I didn't understand. I went from getting C's and D's in math to getting A's. I went from being tutored in math to being a math tutor.

By then,  it felt too late to switch and become an engineer. But I hung out with friends who were engineers, and I married a mechanical engineer. I get a thrill when I figure out how to fix something around the house or make something to substitute for another thing.

I have always wondered, what if? What if I had had a different experience in school? What if someone had helped me overcome the obstacles? What if someone had helped me develop a positive attitude about math? What if a teacher in school had noticed that I needed a different way to learn math?

Now that I'm a homeschooling mom, I find out that even smart kids can have a problem with math. Some people just need a different approach to learning. When you are homeschooling your kids, you don't have to stick with curriculum that isn't working. You don't have to use one math book for all your children. When my children have a problem with math, I try not to get frustrated. I try to help them to understand. I don't want them handicapped like I was with a poor attitude and belief that I just wasn't smart enough.

I can't go back and change the past. But I can change the future for my children.

Advice on giving advice

There are right ways and wrong ways to give advice, especially unsolicited advice. I have been the recipient of much unwanted and unhelpful advice. Of course, I have often suffered from foot-in-mouth disease and given advice the wrong way. So I have come up with some standards by which to test my advice before giving it, and thought they might interest other people too. If this doesn't apply to you, then please disregard it!

1) I Seek God's advice before giving any of my own. Is what I want to tell someone from God, or is it of my own manufacture? How much uneccesary advice would we stop giving if we prayed about it first? How much better would our advice be if it was Godly and Biblical? 100% better! If I have God's peace about giving counsel, I go for it. If not, I keep my mouth shut, until I feel that peace.

2) How well do I know the person and their circumstances? Do you know enough to give advice they can use and pertains to them, and is not unhelpful or destructive? If not, I need to get to know them and their situation better before opening my mouth.

3) I try not to compare their  situation to mine too much. I may think I have gone through what they are experiencing, but I am a different person with different resources and different experiences.  What worked for me may not work for them.

4) I have to think, think and think again before I speak. Speaking hastily often causes the advisee to disregard what I say. I think about how what I am about to say sounds, and could I say it in a better way.

5) When giving advice that has not been asked for, I ask myself why I think I need to give the person advice. (See no. 1). Maybe the person doesn't need or want advice. Maybe they just want to vent, and need a sympathetic ear. Maybe they truly want advice, but are afraid to ask. I may think I know all the answers to this person's problems, and though highly unlikely, maybe I do. But that doesn't always mean my advice will be helpful.

6) After I have prayed, thought about it and have decided that giving advice is called for and that my advice is appropriate, I go ahead and give it. But prepared for no. 7.

7) No matter how appropriate, well thought out, and God given my advice is, sometimes people will reject it. They will lash out, call me judgmental, and tell me to mind my own business, even when they are the ones that solicited my advice in the first place. When this happens, I try not to get mad in return. I apologize and tell the person that I will be praying for them and their situation. Then I walk away quickly.

This sounds like a long drawn out process. Sometimes it is, but sometimes when people are doing something dangerous, you can't wait, you need to say something now. In that case, pray quickly that God gives you the appropriate words to say. Just be prepared for backlash. Even if your advice saves someone's life, they might not be grateful.

We all like to give advice. But we don't always do it in the best way, and in a way that helps more than it hurts.

Because you are a mom

My kids have this idea that there are some things only I can do, because I'm a mom. They say they can't do those things, because they're not moms. Ok, well there ARE a few things I can do they can't. But I'm not talking about birthing a baby or nursing a child. There are things that I am attempting to train them to do, like clean the toilet, scrub out the tubs, clean a dirty meatloaf pan. First they say they can't do it at all. Then they give a half hearted attempt. When I tell them they need to do better, they say they can't. I tell them I can, if I try really hard.

"That's because you're a mom, and we are only kids."

I reply: "Do you think that when I became a mom, I magically knew how to do all this stuff and did it perfectly? No, I had to learn just like you. I did it over and over again before I could do it really well"

The problem is, my mom didn't teach how to do a lot of these kinds of things, and I when I was out on my own, I had to do them. No chance to learn, I just did it. When I got married, my husband could cook better than me. Thankfully he is a really patient man. I had to learn by doing. I made plenty of mistakes. I wish my mom had spent more time teaching my sister and I how to care for a house. She mostly did it herself.  My sister and I did the things she didn't like to do. I was really good at doing my own laundry. I want to teach my children now how to care for their own possessions and a houseful of things. To cook and clean, to take care of smaller children. I tell them it will be useful when they grow up. Do you know what they reply:

"When I grow up, I will have a maid."

Hah, that's what I told my mom, and that never happened! I had four girls instead.

I also think it's important for them to learn to do somethings that my husband does. Things that would have been helpful for me to know when I was single and living on my own. Simple repairs, car maintenance, how to cut the grass. If I had boys, I would teach them how to cook. I have always been blessed that my husband knows how to cook well. When I was pregnant, sick, traveling, I always knew my children would be well fed.

So my kids don't get away with saying they can't do it and I can, because I'm a mom. I'm going to keep training them.

This started out as a FB post I was thinking of making, but then grew into something bigger, so I decided to make it a blog!

Teach your kids to cook - you'll be glad you did.

Teaching your kids to cook at a young age has many benefits. Not only does it help lift some of the burden off a busy, homeschooling mom, but it will be of benefit to them in their whole lives. Planning, organizing, preparing, and serving meals teach valuable skills that extend to other areas.

Meals prepared at home can be healthier and cheaper than fast food meals. Cooking and presentation of food is a creative activity that allows your children to express their artistic talents and individuality. Cooking lessons can incorporate reading, history, science, math and geography. Cooking can be turned into a ministry as you prepare meals for families who have sick or hospitalized members or for the elderly. Hospitality can be practiced as your children help to prepare and serve meals to guests in your home. Preparing meals together is a great family activity.

You don't have to be a excellent cook yourself to teach your children. I am not a great cook. My mom was a perfectionist who often did not want us in the kitchen, except to clean up, because we didn't do things the same way she did, or our efforts were not perfect. So I didn't learn many culinary skills as a child. I lived alone for several years after graduating from college, and most of my meals were fast food or consisted of opening a few cans. I really didn't gain many cookings skills until I got married to a man who likes most things made from scratch. He was very patient and tolerant with me as I was learning. I gathered many cookbooks, asked my mom for recipes, and wasn't too proud to ask him for help. I am still not a great cook, but an adequate one. I can read and follow recipes, and sometimes I even feel comfortable enough to improvise.

When my kids were little, I was reluctant to let them cook, but they kept pestering me until I would let them help. At first it was hard, because I, like my mother, tend to be a perfectionist. But I began to see the benefits of letting them help me and to over look the mistakes they made, and still make. Often while teaching them, I was learning something new myself, and most of them are already far better cooks than me.

Don't think cooking lessons are for girls only. Boys can and should be taught to cook. My husband is a fantastic cook, and that has been a big blessing to me. He cooked many a meal when I was sick, pregnant and couldn't stay on my feet long enough to cook a meal, after I had my babies, and when I had to go out of town. Your sons may be single for a long time, and they won't starve or eat too much unhealthy fast food if they know how to cook. My husband shared a house with several men in college, and he was their chief cook.

How do you teach your kids to cook? The easiest, cheapest way is to just start letting them help as soon as they are able. Give them easy tasks, like stirring after you put in an ingredient. Explain each step as you do it while they watch. Gradually add more difficult tasks as they are capable. Eventually, step back and let them do it themselves, with only your supervision and helpful hints when needed. When they are old enough to read and measure, give them simple recipes to follow. You could buy a kid's cookbook or get recipes off the internet. There are even online cooking classes, and some homeschool co-ops offer them.


Safety is paramount when teaching kids to cook. Never leave them alone in the kitchen. Teach them safety rules, like turning pot handles in, wearing oven mitts, using pot holders. Don't let younger siblings or pets sit or stand too close to the stove. Teach them to cut safely, starting off with easy things and blunt knives. Show them how to clean up spills quickly and thoroughly and the safe handling of raw food, especially meat. If you aren't sure about these things yourself, look it up on the internet before you start teaching your kids.

Resist the temptation to be overly critical. You have to be prepared to eat some less than perfect creations. Correct them lovingly and carefully at the appropriate moment. Too much criticism and expecting perfection is the biggest turn off, and will discourage their willingness to learn. My oldest daughter was helping me make her little sister's birthday cake one year. She was a little too vigorous in her stirring, and some of the shortening and eggs ended up in my hair. It was hard for me to keep my temper that time, but I managed to and we continued on making the cake after I wiped the stuff out of my hair.

When we began homeschooling, my husband and I started assigning each child specific meals to plan and prepare. They choose the menu, check to be sure we have all the ingredients, and then give me a grocery list if necessary. We tell them to try to use what we already have first. They started out just helping me prepare those meals, now they can prepare an entire lunch and dinner by themselves. Even my nine year old. She can't prepare elaborate meals, but she makes a great grilled cheese sandwich. My oldest daughter likes to prepare vegetarian meals, and they are unusual and delicious. Italian dishes and cheesecake are the forte of my second daughter. My third daughter is a good all around cook. My youngest, besides the aforementioned grilled cheese, makes an awesome banana bread. My 12 year old recently had a party, where she taught her friends how to make a special breakfast.


As Chef Gusteau says in Ratatouille, "Any one can cook." I would add, even your kids when given the proper training and support. You will be glad you did, and someday they and their future families will be glad too.

Labor Day

Labor Day: a day for working even harder than ever, right?



How are you spending this glorious Labor Day? Hilltop Academy's principal declared this a school holiday, so I thought great, I can get some other stuff done today!



After futitle attempts to sleep in (I left strict orders not to be disturbed, but running around downstairs and playing guitar are apparently not considered disturbing by others), I ate breakfast in bed (courtesy of my daughter). Next on the agenda: take a shower, and head down to my desk for a round of dealing with the ever present piles of paper on my desk, which includes stuff to be filed, schedules for five people to supervise, and bills to pay.



I plan on going grocery shopping later today. Not a spectacular way to spend a day off, but today will be the only day this week that I will have time to shop. The rest of the week is filled with school, music lessons, volunteer work, farm chores, a tupperware party, trips to the post office, and preparing for an out of town trip. I am hoping to squeeze in a dinner out with my husband.



I have friends that wonder what I do all day, because I don't have a job outside of the home. I mean, geesh, all I have is a husband and 3 kids at home, a child at college who still needs my attention from time to time and a house to take care of, a horse and a pony, chickens, cats a dog, and I homeschool. It's not like I sit around all day eating bon bons and watching soap operas.



This holiday won't be too different from most other days, except we won't have school today.



Happy Labor Day!

First Days

Today is the first day of school for our local school system. It is also the first "official "day of school for Hilltop Academy. We have been doing some school all summer, as kids never stop learning, but they like to have an official first day, so this is it. This is also the first day I have blogged for Hilltop Academy.

As I was walking our dog this morning, drinking in the sunrise and the view of the mountains, with the mist settling in the valleys, I saw the school bus drive by. I am very glad none of my kids were on it. Because that is the bus two of my kids would be riding if they were in public school. My oldest daughter used to have to catch that bus at 6:45, to start school at 7:30. What with animal chores and getting ready for school, it was a very early morning for her, and for me. She is not an early morning person, and neither am I.

Our neighbor's kids are all going back to school today. I was thinking that she probably will have a lot of time of her hands now, and thinking how little free time I will have. But you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way. I am not completely ready to start school today, but I am excited. I love teaching my kids, though some days I wonder why I do it. Not for long, because the Lord reminds me why. I'd rather have my kids at home learing from me and their dad, then in public school learning from strangers that don't really know them, and don't have their best interests at heart, filling their brains and hearts with all sorts of secular nonsense.

Anyone who is beginning a homeschool adventure, take heart. This is the start of our 7th year of schooling our kids at home. It wasn't always traditional homeschooling, we have done cyber charter school too. But whatever we did, it was is tremendously rewarding. It can be very tough, humbling and aggravating some days. But overall, it's worth it.