There are right ways and wrong ways to give advice, especially unsolicited advice. I have been the recipient of much unwanted and unhelpful advice. Of course, I have often suffered from foot-in-mouth disease and given advice the wrong way. So I have come up with some standards by which to test my advice before giving it, and thought they might interest other people too. If this doesn't apply to you, then please disregard it!
1) I Seek God's advice before giving any of my own. Is what I want to tell someone from God, or is it of my own manufacture? How much uneccesary advice would we stop giving if we prayed about it first? How much better would our advice be if it was Godly and Biblical? 100% better! If I have God's peace about giving counsel, I go for it. If not, I keep my mouth shut, until I feel that peace.
2) How well do I know the person and their circumstances? Do you know enough to give advice they can use and pertains to them, and is not unhelpful or destructive? If not, I need to get to know them and their situation better before opening my mouth.
3) I try not to compare their situation to mine too much. I may think I have gone through what they are experiencing, but I am a different person with different resources and different experiences. What worked for me may not work for them.
4) I have to think, think and think again before I speak. Speaking hastily often causes the advisee to disregard what I say. I think about how what I am about to say sounds, and could I say it in a better way.
5) When giving advice that has not been asked for, I ask myself why I think I need to give the person advice. (See no. 1). Maybe the person doesn't need or want advice. Maybe they just want to vent, and need a sympathetic ear. Maybe they truly want advice, but are afraid to ask. I may think I know all the answers to this person's problems, and though highly unlikely, maybe I do. But that doesn't always mean my advice will be helpful.
6) After I have prayed, thought about it and have decided that giving advice is called for and that my advice is appropriate, I go ahead and give it. But prepared for no. 7.
7) No matter how appropriate, well thought out, and God given my advice is, sometimes people will reject it. They will lash out, call me judgmental, and tell me to mind my own business, even when they are the ones that solicited my advice in the first place. When this happens, I try not to get mad in return. I apologize and tell the person that I will be praying for them and their situation. Then I walk away quickly.
This sounds like a long drawn out process. Sometimes it is, but sometimes when people are doing something dangerous, you can't wait, you need to say something now. In that case, pray quickly that God gives you the appropriate words to say. Just be prepared for backlash. Even if your advice saves someone's life, they might not be grateful.
We all like to give advice. But we don't always do it in the best way, and in a way that helps more than it hurts.
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